Thursday, May 04, 2006
God Don't Like the Orange and Black
Baseball has quite the peculiar history.
Full of strange, unexplained and eerie circumstances, baseball has always had answers for these happenings. Blame the one who created it all.
Curses, spells, magic, slumps, heroics and the divine have always been a part of the game of baseball.
This begs the question: Who does God root for?
Irony would suggest that God obviously cheers for the Yankees. Twenty six world championships, how could God have not had a little something to do with that?
But, would God really embrace a team known as the "Evil Empire?"
Probably. But one thing is certain...
God is not an Orioles fan.
The Orioles, for many years now, have ruined it for God. God was getting interested in the 70's. God was a huge Jim Palmer fan and he absolutely loved Brooks Robinson. God appreciates good third base play.
Then, like many other Orioles fans out there, the O's spurned God. They had so many problems, so much drama it is laughable and God lost interest.
Now, like the rest of the American League East's fans, God considers the Orioles to be a joke. He is currently disregarded their attempts at becoming respectable and, instead, toying with them like a kid pulling the wings off a butterfly.
Team finally coming together? Learning to play well together? God tears of Brian Roberts' wing.
Starters progressing nicely? God uses the sun and a magnifying glass and completely burns off Bruce Chen and Rodrigo Lopez's ability.
Melvin Mora hitting well? God decides to make sure every pitcher beans him at least once.
Am I just venting my frustrations and needlessly throwing the blame at the ethereal? Yes. Why yes I am. But come on, this is getting ridiculous!
How are they still competing? In the span of an inning they lost Miguel Tejada, Brian Roberts and Kevin Millar.
The Orioles starting middle infield was also the All-Star team's starting middle infield last year. Currently, the Orioles middle infielders are named Chris Gomez and Brandon Fahey. Gomez is a utility shortstop and Fahey is a minor league shortstop who weighs about 120 pounds. You can't win like that!
Instead of Brian Roberts, an over .300 hitter and All-Star, the Orioles are leading off with either Fahey, who has about 10 major league at bats, or with Corey Patterson, who despite hitting well as of late has the worst batting eye in history.
Why does God hate the Orioles? Years of frustration. This team looks like it can compete. It just needs some breaks to go its way.
So, God, if you are listening, just leave us alone for like 3 months, if we haven't won you over at all in that time span, by all means, continue spurning the Orioles into eternal damnation.
Full of strange, unexplained and eerie circumstances, baseball has always had answers for these happenings. Blame the one who created it all.
Curses, spells, magic, slumps, heroics and the divine have always been a part of the game of baseball.
This begs the question: Who does God root for?
Irony would suggest that God obviously cheers for the Yankees. Twenty six world championships, how could God have not had a little something to do with that?
But, would God really embrace a team known as the "Evil Empire?"
Probably. But one thing is certain...
God is not an Orioles fan.
The Orioles, for many years now, have ruined it for God. God was getting interested in the 70's. God was a huge Jim Palmer fan and he absolutely loved Brooks Robinson. God appreciates good third base play.
Then, like many other Orioles fans out there, the O's spurned God. They had so many problems, so much drama it is laughable and God lost interest.
Now, like the rest of the American League East's fans, God considers the Orioles to be a joke. He is currently disregarded their attempts at becoming respectable and, instead, toying with them like a kid pulling the wings off a butterfly.
Team finally coming together? Learning to play well together? God tears of Brian Roberts' wing.
Starters progressing nicely? God uses the sun and a magnifying glass and completely burns off Bruce Chen and Rodrigo Lopez's ability.
Melvin Mora hitting well? God decides to make sure every pitcher beans him at least once.
Am I just venting my frustrations and needlessly throwing the blame at the ethereal? Yes. Why yes I am. But come on, this is getting ridiculous!
How are they still competing? In the span of an inning they lost Miguel Tejada, Brian Roberts and Kevin Millar.
The Orioles starting middle infield was also the All-Star team's starting middle infield last year. Currently, the Orioles middle infielders are named Chris Gomez and Brandon Fahey. Gomez is a utility shortstop and Fahey is a minor league shortstop who weighs about 120 pounds. You can't win like that!
Instead of Brian Roberts, an over .300 hitter and All-Star, the Orioles are leading off with either Fahey, who has about 10 major league at bats, or with Corey Patterson, who despite hitting well as of late has the worst batting eye in history.
Why does God hate the Orioles? Years of frustration. This team looks like it can compete. It just needs some breaks to go its way.
So, God, if you are listening, just leave us alone for like 3 months, if we haven't won you over at all in that time span, by all means, continue spurning the Orioles into eternal damnation.
